care? leave a note

Ichabod!

1999-10-31 15:32:26

MISERY! its been what 10 months or something like that? now i have these lovely red and white wounds on my right arm. lovely! what the hell am i saying? theyre ugly im ugly. my dad said why didnt i just go home and kick the cat . . . no, you wouldnt kick a cat. then why do it to yourself? BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF. this is the worst ive done yet. i tried hitting my elbow on the car door first but these damn palstic cars dont hurt at all. so i clawed my arm until i could feel the pieces of flesh stuck underneath my fingernails. i looked down and thought, i didnt cut very badly this time, then i saw the white marks that looked like scars. i knew they would soon fill up with blood. i got blood smeared all over my arms and cried as i licked it off when i came home.

ok. so what happened? i cant parallel park. ive already gone into the whole i hate driving thing. my learner's permit expires a week from yesterday. lets leave it at that.

my dad said the only part that worried him was what i did to my arm right in front of him. i shot right back at him "it didnt seem to bother you last time i did it"

that was december 26 of last year. lets not get into that either right now.

how about yesterday! i had some fun yesterday. sort of. got up at 6 to be at school at 7 to pick up trash and leaves around the school. finish that at about 8:30, go to camp hill diner and wait for dad. id have to say breakfast there was the best part of the day. bacon and cheese omlette, whole wheat toast, home fries, and plenty of coffee. then it was off to band at 10 for a football game at camp hill. during our half time performance i got mauled by a bass drum, literally ran right into it. after the game we had about an hour of practice then we ate at school and left for our competition at cedar cliff. we had our best damn performance yet! but we only got third place, talk about crestfallen and dejected. but on the bus ride home we fit 4 people into one bus seat. nothing compared to our record of 6 in a college dorm size bed.

::sigh:: i guess ill be wearing long sleeves around the house for a while. i dont care at school because, you know, this is just the sort of thing they expect from a goth like me