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Ichabod!

2000-04-21 22:04:05

why does it make me sick to see a ring of friends? there are some diaries i read here on diaryland, but i dont bother to email the people i read. and i notice that they have a list of diaries they frequent, and you visit those diaries, and you see the same diaries listed there too. and you know that they are all nice little friends, and for some reason, im repulsed.

ok, so the diary i read repulsed me to begin with. it even inspired me to model one of the sinners in my hell essay after one of the diary entries. but i keep coming back to it, and i continue to be repulsed.

i should have made the name for this diary Ninnoch instead of Arvianna. Arvianna Veltros is a vampire name. Ninnoch is much more suited to who i really am. in fact, i looked in the mirror today and i could have sworn i looked just like juniper on the cover of wise child. but arvianna sounds prettier. and you can still email me at [email protected]

oh yeah, i remember my dream now from last night. i was moving into college and at first i thought i was rooming with brenda, which in the past has proved to be a not bad combination. then i remembered that she and i wont go to the same college and my roomate was someone named kerry. then i looked at a sheet and it listed room changes and my roomate had moved out on me. she really didnt like me, i guess. anyway, i was asleep in my dream (!) and the ceiling started to leak like it used to in my room at dads. so i grabbed a bucket and put it underneath but it just started leaking worse and worse. eventually i noticed that the leak kept moving around, in an arc to the other side of my room. bizarre.

i made a tape today, to replace the old one that wore out from the aeroplane flies high. and since i left out the actual mellon collie singles on this one, i had room to put in three songs from regional band. im even making a cover from a photo for the tape. i cut out a rectangle from the photo where my camera went off just sitting on the floor. a nice picture of the bottom of my chair and the edge of my skirt. so i cut out a corner that had most of the plaid on it. it doesnt really look half bad.

how do i feel? my laundry is done so i feel good. i have new friends, it seems like. but few old. i feel good overall, but miffed at the fact that everyone is going out and doing stuff without me. i just dont know why. would it be better if i had a car, or would i still be left out? bill tells me that ryan and kim are moving in together. i wonder if it is just a matter of time before they get married. i wonder if ill be invited. i wonder what it would be like if they have kids. because im pretty much resigned to the fact that they will. i can only hope that they wont keep me away forever. hes my friend, after all.

arent you just itching to know who that diary was that i was talking about? [email protected]