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Ichabod!

1999-12-31 01:16:51

ahhh, another refreshing bout of the fighting parents. i love to see them drag up all them old abuses. makes me just well up with joy.

but anyway. i got to see my sisters tonight and give them their christmas presents. ((my long nails are actually starting to get in the way of my typing!)) and they gave me theirs! i got some of the awesomest stuff, you see, cause they have a delia*s store in their area. for instance, i got this funky watch that i never would have bought for myself in a million years and when i first unwrapped it i thought, oh this is going in a drawer. but its starting to grow on me . . . its huge and its green and it flashes. but sometime when im feeling really hip and mod, i believe i will wear it. in public! i also got a bunch of stuff that will come in handy when i go to france this summer.

i went to a party about two nights ago. it was really really really really odd for me to do something like that. i knew just about everyone there but didnt really feel comfortable around them. at one point i actually left the room for a little while because i was starting to feel rather alone and depressed. alone in the middle of a party. just chalk it up to introversion and that social anxiety im said to have. its so pathetic how much i depend on the internet for my social life. pathetic.

smashing pumpkins - adore - blank page

blank page was all the rage never meant to say anything in bed i was half dead tired of dreaming of rest got dressed drove the state line looking for you at the five and dime stop sign told me stay at home told me you were not alone blank page was all the rage never meant to hurt anyone in bed i was half dead tired of dreaming of rest you havent changed youre still the same may you rise as you fall you were easy you are forgotten you are the ways of my mistakes i catch the rain fall through the leaking roof that you had left behind you reming me of that leak in my soul the rain falls my friends call leaking rain on the phone take a day plant some trees may they shade you from may your children play beneath blank page was all the rage never meant to say anything in bed i was half dead tired of dreaming of rest got dressed drove the state line looking for you at the five and dime but there i was picking pieces up you are a ghost of my indecision no more little girl

i typed that up just because it happened to be playing as i wrote this. there always seems to be a SP song to describe exactly how i feel about something in my life. as i typed this i thought about what ryan wrote to me ((see older entry Dear Elizabeth . . . )) there has always been a pumpkins song to describe our relationship, even when he first told me about her, it was "pennies"

and i stumbled on to you as you stumbled over me and you say the fates were cruel for throwing us together i always loved you so . . . its a pity were apart its a shame you broke my heart now ive got a new girlfriend she looks a lot like you dear no one could ever do dear . . .

and later it was a lot of the stuff from adore, like tear

. . . cause heaven is to blame for taking you away . . .

but now its perfect and blank page.

. . . i know were just like old friends we just cant pretend that lovers make amends . . .

and it seems to go in chronological order of SP albums too. it all started with mellon collie and the infinite sadness, then the box set, then adore. i wonder what will come with the newest one.