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Ichabod!

21 March 2005 18:45

i knew that the alternative spring breakers would be fun, but i also knew it would throw my personal balance out of whack. and i was so totally right.

i came back from that week of playing outgoing hostess feeling very lonely, let down, and cut off from my roommates. everything from my food, to my cat, to the fact that i dont go to the gym had seemed to have come between me and the girls.

and then we went to santa fe, and i had so much car travel time to just stare out the window and think. and i thought about old friends and boyfriends and best friends. and how i havent had a best girl friend in the longest time, since christa and i were both in the same area. i miss her so much. i miss having someone who just totally knows and understands you like that. i mean, come on, christa was the kind of friend you went to encore bookstore with and spent all day reading about sex cause we decided we just didnt know enough about it. who else could you possibly do that with in high school?

and then i started thinking about how nice it will be when zodda visits. to have someone in the immediate vicinity who knows me, and someone whom i also know so well. just that kind of long standing companionship and friendship. just to have someone you can feel entirely yourself around, completely and openly comfortable.

but i have to keep in mind that i cant just pin everything on that one week, i still need to cultivate my friendships with my convent girls. and thats why im so grateful to heidi, cause she makes ti so easy to open up and really let her know how im feeling. like i said before, i feel like heidi is helping me learn how to be a part of a family and a community.

im feeling good now, and not so lonely. but grateful for all my friends, new and old, far and near.