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 memories of what never was
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20 June 2004 16:46 i think i can say with certainty that positive thoughts have outnumbered negative ones in the past few days. unfortunately, good dreams have not outnumbered bad ones. last night was very comic book in style, i was with a group of kids and each of us had a strange almost x-men like power and we were being chased by this demon posessed car. yeah. scary. i also slept for eleven hours again. and im still tired. i realized friday night that i hadnt left the house at all that day, and yet i wasnt bored or restless. there was plenty to do between digging up the garden, cooking in the kitchen, reading and writing in my journals. yesterday i went out shopping and got bras and panties. too much information, im sure youre thinking, but this is a big thing for me. i havent worn real bras in years. but yesterday i got four that make me feel super sexy. plus, a lot of my nicer shirts fit better when i wear them with real bras. which actually kinda irks me, cause i wish designers would make clothes that look good on women naturally, and without support contraptions. ::sighs:: oh well. my tastes are changing, obviously, if im starting to think i look good in things that are well tailored and fit better with a good bra underneath. i feel my body more. i feel like my eyes are open and i see farther than i have in the past few months. like my line of sight has been so limited by the bell jar, and im dazzled by the view once its lifted. but i still feel very private. i dont feel any need to reach out and spend my energy. i feel as though im conserving my energy and gathering my strength for the challenges ahead in NEW MEXICO! ((im so excited)) |
