care? leave a note

Ichabod!

24 January 2004 12:21

ive slept at least twelve out of the last twenty hours or so.

i feel absolutely incapable of doing anything. even this is the third time ive sat down to write in here, and i always end up doing something else stupid and pointless, like rearranging the curtains on my windows. something that keeps me from actually thinking about anything.

i think the reason i came home yesterday and felt like doing nothing but sleeping was because two things have been absolutely draining me for the past week. one is driving in the horrible conditions outside. the other is the kind of dreams ive been having lately. with the exception of last night and tuesday night, ive had horrible dreams. death and violence dreams, war and destruction dreams, babies with blood gushing from their eyes dreams.

tuesday nights dream was mostly about choosing lip gloss for me and my mom. last night dealt with food, family, and daytime television.

its really affecting my life in that i dont have any motivation to really do things like cook, eat well, shower, clean my room, prepare for class, and take care of myself in general. its like im depressed but im not really feeling badly about myself, im just terrified.

if someone has some kind of voodoo doll controlling my dreams, make them go away. please. im at a loss as to what i can do about them myself.