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 memories of what never was
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28 September 2003 18:05 being 100% out front vs not broadcasting everything. hmmmm. i wish i had my copy of tekaat here as i wrote this. there is a perfect example of this in mountain girl. how most of the time she came on strong, more out front than anyone else, so much so that no one would ever guess there was another side to her, namely that she was lonely as hell. im not saying that im lonely as hell. or am i? i dunno. if i am, its not as much or as obviously so as it was last semester. but come to think about it, being totally out front while having any other side to you is enough to make anyone feel lonely as hell. can you really be 100% out front if there are things youre not broadcasting? does it make a difference what those things are? how much does someone need to know to know you? how much factual, and how much simply insight into character? perhaps dependent upon how one gains insight into character? but im leaning towards not. is there a threshold above which we need to "broadcast" in order to not feel lonely? if being out front while having a whole 'nother side makes one lonely as hell, how much of that other side does one need to broadcast to someone, anyone, to no longer be lonely? all of it? how present does that other person need to be? does an internet journal fill that void at all? i dont think so. what has to happen for someone not to be lonely? what conditions need to be satisfied? am i really as out front as i think i am? i hate playing games with people, so i try to be as honest as i possibly can, but at the same time i dont come right out and broadcast every little detail to everyone. i tell people things they need to know, or things that are pertinent to situations or conversation. and what happens when i make that judgement on what someone else needs to know about me? is it still being out front then, even though im not deceiving anyone or being false? she never talks just to fill the silence |
