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Ichabod!

27 August 2003 13:39

havent updated cause i havent gotten my computer set up in my apt yet. como it is.

im getting the full effect of the generic midsize brunette syndrome now. i need to do something to my appearance. my mom is mailing me my hair dye that i forgot at home. heeeeeee.

i want to be challenged. as a person, im plenty challenged academically here. im sick of being the challenging one around here.

why do people feel like to know someone, you have to break them down and see the ugly insides? cant you know someone by seeing the beautiful insides? because by exposing their faults, you have power over them? because we hate ourselves and feel better knowing that others are ugly too? i want to see the beautiful people, and by knowing them know that i am beautiful too. my mythical folk song people.

my shoulders are hunched up around my ears. this place makes me tense. and dismal. and yearning for so much more.

so i know i can do more to try to see the beauty in the people already around me.

but i also know that these are not my kindred spirits. ive been twenty one years in opposition to everything around me. i want to be around my own kind. i want a home.