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Ichabod!

09 August 2003 23:37

i tried to tell myself that its ok im not happy at notre dame, cause its not a permanent place for me. im gone after a year. it didnt work. i still had to question myself, asking why im so unhappy at a place i know is so. . . nice.

yeah. i cant come up with any better adjectives for notre dame as a whole than nice and good. band is awesome, physics is great, and dorm masses rock. but notre dame as a whole is nice. ill miss it. i think. not sure.

so if theres nothing terribly wrong with the place, why am i not happy there?

is it really the people, as ive been telling myself for so long? i know different colleges have different atmospheres and attract different people, but wouldnt i set myself against the crowd anywhere i went? arent most people at colleges amibitious, over acheiving, competitive, and moneyed? so is it really notre dame im against, or the yuppiness colleges and universities cultivate in general? and they all have pretty children and the children go to school, and the children go to summer camp, and then to the university where they all get put in boxes and they come out all the same.

maybe a little different from college to college, but dont they all come out the same, with a degree and ready to make money?

gag me with a spoon. my life is a quest for knowledge, and since i have no desire to have a family, i also have no desire to make money to support a family. its just a shame im accustomed to eating well...i wonder how well i could eat on a graduate students stipend. hum.

so what is it? why am i unhappy there? why do i curse the sky driving west and praise it driving east? is the simple difference in culture between east and midwest enough to drive me mad? or is it more than that? its a nice place! yeah. nice. but i think it sucks.

where are my mythical folk song people? why am i unhappy?