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 memories of what never was
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08 August 2003 00:31 i think i tend to be forgiving of humans in general, and very suspicious of individual people. groups of people can be dumb, but individual people are two faced and cruel which makes me wonder about this whole lack of faith in other people problem. i know i have faith in the human race, i have to in order to be able to sing my folk songs. but i always expect the worst of people around me. mostly from bitter experience with my father, and other people in my life. how different could i have been, had i not had those experiences? would i be less of a bitch, cause i wouldnt need to be so defensive, and wouldnt expect the worst of people? ive recently noticed that i dont like bringing up my past to other people as much as i used to. i used to do it whenever the opportunity arose to give myself a chance to express my bitterness and garner pity from others. now im reluctant to do so because i dont like the lingering anger i feel for a while after i talk about my past. but sometimes revealing my past can bring me a lot closer to someone. when is it appropriate to do so? who the fuck wants to hear about my past? why did i dream of telling someone about my cutting? is being a bitch for the rest of my life, and hating myself for it, simply inescapable? |
