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Ichabod!

2002-11-05 2:12 a.m.

i successfully completed a homework assignment, and understood it. this hasnt happened in weeks...i think some celebration is in order, even though it was technically "late."

i cant think of anything else current to write, so ill post that memory about meditation from my childhood i mentioned previously.

i must have been about 6 or 7...this was before my dad left when i was eight. i remember sitting on the couch in my family room one evening, i must have been reading or something becuase the tv was off and the only light in the room was the lamp next to the couch. my dad came and sat next to me on the couch, and i remember finding it very odd because grownups never sat with their feet on the furniture, and here was my dad sitting cross legged indian style on the couch. he showed me how to form mudra with my hands, though i didnt know what it was at the time. I listened as he intoned OM, and i remember thinking he was a bit kooky. Im still not sure exactly what he expected me to get out of it, but eventually he just stopped, murmured something about maybe when im older, and left the room. nothing else was ever mentioned about it, very typical for my father. ((this turned out better the first time i tried to write it, but oh well)) and i just keep thinking, what motivates a father to try to teach his six year old daughter to meditate? at what age can one teach a child to meditate? what if i had gotten it then, or he had kept trying? i wish i had learned earlier, it becomes difficult now. i had dug up all the handouts from the yoga class i took freshman year, and all the different sorts of meditation, with different foci for different purposes. sa ta na ma. i so want to focus my own thoughts instead of letting every professors assignments send them helterskelter. instead of letting such a hectic schedule get to me. instead of letting so many peoples opinions invade my thoughts.

mmmm, this reeks of control freakiness. i dont like that. maybe not focus my own thoughts, in a controlling manner, but release them from uneccessary restrictions, so i may be open to solutions and paths that may not be so obvious? listening to my conscience, and not letting it get buried so deep? intuition, instinct, etc.?