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Ichabod!

2002-04-11 2:07 a.m.

i had a very strange an involved dream last night. at one part, bt was dying his hair or something so he was in the oven. yes, actually inside it, i could hear his voice from the outside. something about him and electrical appliances. last time he was hoarding stuff in a laundromat dryer. another crazy thing was i think bt was jesses brother and they were living with jesses parents in a little greeny house just off a small path beyond fisher, one of the dorms here. and the house could move, like an rv. strange.

ive been trying to tell myself to enjoy things here more and stop wishing i was home so much. cause theres nothing i can do about that until its really time to go home, and i have more important things between now and then, like my lit paper and finals. strange, its so easy to enjoy things here when the weather gets warmer (like today the weather was gorgeous and i think tomorrow its sposed to get up to seventy or something) but at the same time it just makes me want summer to come that much more quickly, since its so near already. i should just shut up and enjoy myself here. shouldnt i?

i always have these big things to write about in here that i never really do. like one of the things in the essay we read for class on feminism and modernity was about the redemptive nature of the feminine that often found in nineteenth century literature. like the world was changing and modernizing and industrializing and being generally revolutionary but these were all things that were in the public sphere and characteristically masculine while women were untouched (in terms of modernization) in the sanctuary of the home, the feminine sphere, the altar of peace and family. for some reason this sticks in my mind, as well as other things like the idea of the smooth and quiet woman "civilizing" the rough and warlike man. im not sure if im quite comfortable with these images, or what they even mean for me.

i took part in a focus group on gender relations on campus, and i always thought that gender relations were something people whined about because its the hip and cool thing to whine about on campus. but katie brought up that some guys actually get really intimidated by some of the more assertive women on campus becuase theyve grown up in the type of family where the mother really does just go along with whatever the father says or decides to do. and a lot of the girls at this school arent like that, especially in the sciences. we have women here who arent afraid to stand up for what they want, and to go right out and get it. that a woman wouldnt do that really never crossed my mind. they tell me that there are girls like that, more so in the college of arts and letters. and st marys. ive never really encountered the guys who are intimidated by assertive girls, but they couldnt tell me where i could find them. maybe ive just been lucky not to have come across them. or maybe theyre all hanging out with the girls at st marys.

anyway, its late and i need to get up tomorrow for another day of going out and getting what i want. and having a good time doing it.