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 memories of what never was
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2002-03-08 1:05 a.m. screw being social. its too hard and anyway, i cant compete. im always just going to come off being cold and distant cause theres always going to be someone more friendly, more outgoing, and less bitchy than i am. hell, im even boring shinji right now. why am i thinking of it as a competition anyway? thats just silly. but it is, isnt it. come on elizabeth, its almost spring break. youre almost there. you dont want to get depressed again just now, do you? or am i already... i looked back through my calendars and my arvianna entries and i think there may be a probability that i have premenstrual dysphoria. ive got pretty solid evidence for the past six or seven months of depressive episodes coinciding with the week before my period. only two depressive episodes that dont coincide, and both of them had to do with mechanics (surprise?). im sure there would be more evidence if i went further back through my journal entries. i was surprised that i could find consistent evidence all the way back to the end of september with my "i wanna die" journal entry around the same time as arvianna's second birthday. but what do i do now? any advice?
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