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Ichabod!

2002-03-15 11:44 p.m.

its different to be alone and to be lonely. yesterday in the forest was the first time ive been utterly alone since christmas break when i had the house to myself all day long to read. but i wasnt lonely. at school where im surrounded by people, i can be very lonely.

at camp i took a little bit of time to investigate some of my old haunts. i can go to the beaver dam and say, shit, ryan and i used to sit on that log there for hours together. late at night on the fourth of july, watching renegade fireworks from somewhere over the bluejay. or down to where david and mike were camped along the creek in '96 and see how much the shores and the water level have changed...and how close i still feel to thirteen, seventeen..even though im twenty now. those summer weeks were some of the best and most pleasant memories of my teenage years. in the forest, things change and things dont change. relics of the earlier industrial age when they drilled wells in the forest like sticking pins in a pincushion. the cable crossing is there and will be there. the new oil wells and new access roads. the camps grow more and more dilapidated or more and more fancy, depending sometimes on whether or not that bachelor hunter finally got married and had a family. the creek is constantly changing, but the hills are there for the ages. but i dont know where i was going with this.

except that i needed to go. i cant let nd make me soft. im already falling apart with age (exhibit a: stiff left knee). and the anf really lets you know what your place on this earth is. its so unyielding to all human efforts, so unable to be civilized. we are not free to manipulate everything as we choose to convenience us, theres a whole planet we are only stewards of, and we must care for it.

like the hiking with salamanders tshirt. you just gotta watch where you step, so youre hiking with the salamanders and not on them.

i dont think that the theo class i wanted to take will be available next semester on theology, ethics and environment. i really wanted to take that because it would discuss ecology and conservation and a human centric theology. though i can see from what ive written that i would prolly just put planet over people. humans arent all that great anyway.