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Ichabod!

2002-01-24 12:40 a.m.

things all seem to be coming together, and im so amazed. i understand my mechanics hw, miracle of all miracles. im getting more than six hours of sleep per night, and eating regular/healthy meals. im not stressed beyond belief. im pleasant to be around. danielle turns to me for relationship advice, like i go to christa and amanda comes to me as a theologian (me of all people). my life is not running away from me. i wonder if i can keep this up with programming work or if i should just drop that in an attempt to preserve this semblance of orderliness. its so beautiful. its like everything ive learned about living well in the past three semesters is finally coming together. like ive got a balance of some kind. where did this come from? it cant all just be due to my new schedule, devoid of a 2pm 2 hour physics lecture. though that does help.

ok, order and balance except for the fact that my dads running away to another continent. but ive gotten over the fact that hes an immature asshole. years ago. right? yeah...

i got pictures back from snapfish today, and all of the pictures that jesse took were not scanned, and there was more than one of them. and one of the strange indians sitting under the umbrellas, and it looks kinda misty and strange, just like i wanted it to.

i was thinking in the chem phys lib today and i was wondering if i dont prefer science sometimes because its answerable. its under control. maybe not necessarily my control, but there are invariant laws. in english, prof ziarek never allows answers, only questions. and im ok with that, im ok with the idea that ill never have a pat definition for some things, and other things will always continue to be just out of reach, like a thourough understanding of human nature, say. but i still like to believe that someones in control of all of it, like god maybe. hes got a plan, right? and he gives us good things to help us on the path. and now were getting into things that amanda and i discussed tonight while i was tutoring no one (thats right, not one person showed up) i might drop in on her theology class on friday, to "hold her hand" as she says, because shes has no religion classes ever at all and gets frustrated in theo class because she doesnt know things that a lot of the other people in her class take for granted because theyve gone to catholic schools before. ive lent her one of my books from last semester, thats more of a religious studies book on jesus (the borg one i was talking about) than a theological text. like the definition of theology as faith seeking understanding....but what about when there is no faith? then how does one study theology?

btw. my room mate and i have started a new diary. pe744.diaryland.com.