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Ichabod!

2002-01-03 4:26 p.m.

so last night when she was upset my mom told me that someone gave the pillow in question to her as a birthday present. so she has no idea where it was bought or how much it cost. and as i was sewing it up today, i found more than one other imperfection on it. glitches in the weave of the fabric, holes, prolly more in the seams too. so my best bet is that the pillow was bought as seconds from an outlet, and prolly rather cheap too. it was prolly falling apart to begin with, and cheeser and kelly only aggravated it. so there.

the other thing about last night is she started whining to me about how she doesnt have very much, and everything she does have is thirty years old and looks like it. i dont know what she wants...prolly a nice condo with custom interior decorating by my sister, martha stewart, with brand new appliances, state of the art computer, shiny car, expensive china...and a husband to support her. well you know what, mom? youre aging, youre alone, and you know it. so cling to your pretty little cell phone, go ahead. you dont even know how to use it. and im sure im going to regret writing this later, but when you need full time care and wont be put in a nursing home, dont turn to me first for someone to take you in. cause i cant live with you and your control. i know how dad felt now. i know why you cant stand dad, and i know why dad cant stand you.

and i know that im better off alone.

so this morning my mom comes into my room while im still asleep and asks what my plans are for today. same as yesterday, i told her, reading and maybe some physics. so what does she tell me? she wants me to do five hours of physics problems every day for the rest of break, she wants me to work on physics "like its my job." well hell, if you put it that way, i know im not going to do it. its semester break. the fun of that is to have time to read and learn and not be scheduled. ive finished three books already since ive been on break. i brought home the physics book to work on it in my own time, or even to just sit around with the intention of doing physics if i feel like it. not to be told by someone who has no involvement in physics that i need to do five hours of physics each day. its just a fucking chore then! i love physics, but this puts you on the level of prof shephard who manages to kill that love of physics every time i pass his office door. ill do physics problems of my own accord, not because my mommy told me to, thank you very much.

"one of the speakers as the physicist leo seren. he had particpated in the successful experiment under the lifeless sports facility so long ago. get this: he apologized for having done that! someone should have told him that being a physicist, on a planet where the smartest animals hate being alive so much, means never having to say youre sorry"