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Ichabod!

2001-08-19 12:44 a.m.

::sighs:: i really should be going to bed, but ive got something in my head and i really dont want to let it get away.

photographs of people are starting to bug me. especially photographs of people i love, or people to whom i am really close. its only so very rarely that a photograph captures that true spirit, something real, something entirely theirs. im not interested at all in pictures which are only a photographic representation of a pile of blood, bones, and guts. because i have no interest at all in that pile of blood, bones, and guts. no interest in that, but deep feelings for the real you, for the thing that talks to me, for the thing that thinks about everything, for the mind, the soul, whatever you want to call it. i hate biology. i feel limited by biology. biology tells me i am a baby making machine, but my mind and society tell me that isnt all there is to me. but how can i deny the very cells of which i am made? am i destined to be a mother simply because i am a woman? am i destined to love someone just because instinct and hormones tell me to reproduce and keep the species going? how revolting this seems to me. what happens to the woman who doesnt bear children? why be a woman at all, then, if thats what shes built to do? theres just so much more than simple biology. so rare is the photograph that lets me see something behind the biology. so frustrating to have only pictures of piles of blood, and bones, and guts. conversely, how frustrating to have only emails and letters and words. mere memories of the products of the mind. hardly adequate to feel close to someone. (though perhaps it is and the rest is only biology? ah, i cannot deny it) so theres something beyond the products of the mind, and something beyond the biology. a person. feelings. aura. soul. someone!