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Ichabod!

2001-05-03 9:08 p.m.

::procrastinating on studying for calculus::

im really amazed that i still write in this diary at all. i was just looking at my archives page and realized that i only write a few times a month now, when i used to write nearly everday, if not almost twice a day. i just dont have that much time to kill anymore.

i love study days. i laid outside today while i tried to study for calc and got a grand total of five problems done before i had to get up and go to the review session and go over answers to the practice exam i hadnt yet done and will do once i get off my lazy bum and do it. but there was drumline volleyball in the pe sand court, and ken was talking to me about physics, and t and kate were spraying me with water guns (i was completely soaked, with only a powerade bottle to defend myself), and randy being cocky as anything. Ken: randy, are you thirsty? what do you want? Randy: Elizabeth. ::was thankful she had sunglasses on and could respond with a vague look of amusement and indifference though it probably came across as a look of shyness and embarrassment::

i made an appointment with dr lescher today, for wednesday in two weeks. i guess ill just start with dr frankel told me and go from there. i heard some scary things today. on the radio today, they were talking about this crazy literature critic guy, and how he was too messed up and out there to be loved or to love anyone, his place was not among people but among books. and amanda was talking about shay, who was real problems...very needy and insecure. and while everyone is putting her down, i just think about how alone she must feel sometimes...and i wonder if im as crazy as she is, or how crazy i am compared to her. shes an art student, but i think shes transferring out of here cause the art program sucks. she wont say hi to me, even though we obviously have similar tastes in a lot of areas, and ive introduced myself to her. at the beginning of the year she had bright red streaks in her hair, like my purple used to be. she would have been a cool person to know here on campus.

but i wonder how messed up i am compared to these others. am i too out there to deal with loving and being loved? am i doomed to forever love physics and only physics? ((cause i do, physics is my spouse, math is my friend, and chemistry is my bitch))

i might be a gen chem tutor next year, how exciting is that? i like chem, but i dont think i would major in it. nooooo, too many lies in that dept. gen chem is as far as ill go.

::sighs:: so much studying to do. im tempted to do it in front of the tv, but i know thats not a good idea. i just want to be comfy. ::is comfy in her julius pants and sweatshirt::