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Ichabod!

2001-03-30 12:50 p.m.

after last night, how can i believe that god doesnt send angels down to earth?

Dan, yesterday i was pretty mad at you, even before i got to sorin. i really felt like you were ignoring me over IM, and i was upset that you didn't give me the common courtesy to let me know you couldn't help me with my computer that afternoon. i know it was awkward yesterday in bt's room, and im thinking it might just be your way of dealing with things, but it's hurting me. treating me that way makes me feel like i'm not worth your time. it isn't that you've hurt me as an ex girlfriend, you've hurt me as a friend. yesterday after i left bt's room, i just went upstairs to the girls bathroom and cried. i don't know what to do when the person i'd usually go to when i cry is the one who made me cry. i'm telling you this because youre a friend and i'd think you would care. i hope you have a good weekend, and i hope you can still help me with my computer on sunday. Elizabeth

thats the email i wrote, calmly, this afternoon when i got back to my dorm after class. let me give you a taste of the one i would have written last night if i hadnt run into my angels.

dan, i had no idea you could be such an asshole. im refusing to suffer in silence any longer, even though most of what i tell you here will only hurt you. i wanted to cut last night and its all because of you and your ignoring me. i havent cut in an entire year, and youve almost driven me to it. and youre gonna have to put up with that knowledge, cause youre the only one on campus anyway who even knows ive ever cut myself. Elizabeth

yeah. so on my way back to pe after i left sorin, i heard some bagpipes and wandered around until i found the nd bagpipe band on the lil quad between lafun and nieuwland. i went into lafun to get a burger, ran into caitlin, got some ice cream, and she and i talked for fifty minutes....and after all that, i didnt feel like writing an angry email anymore. i came back to pe and talked to monica about the whole ordeal, and shes the one who helped me decide to write the email i eventually sent today.

so thank you monica, caitlin, prof. lappin, and the nd bagpipers. you were my angels last night.

now i need to go get ready for my freshmen retreat tonight. i think its something i really need right now.