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Ichabod!

2001-01-21 11:55:41

ooohhhhhhhh my. i thought i wasnt going to do this this semester. but here i am, its ten of seven in the morning, and i havent been to bed yet. i havent even been back to my dorm yet. and nothing turns out the way we expect it to.

there was supposed to be a huge party at sorin last night, but apparently it was too huge. the rector broke it up and everyone had to leave, i didnt even get much dancing in. wasnt too happy about that. so danielle and alex and liz and rorrie and rory and i went to reckers for some food. and a good game of "who do you know" i did pretty pathetically. i think alex won. i think the food was good, and the music was too loud. and we stayed there too long. but for some reason, we didnt feel like going home yet.

so danielle and i followed rory back to sorin where we watched one of the stupidest movies ive ever seen. i took a nice long nap during it, an woke up to discover it was twenty minutes of five in the morning. across the tv lounge from me, a second year student from spain was giving his views on life the universe and everything. (figuratively, not literally. though that would be nice to talk about the book) such a sweet talker he is. the next thing we knew he was suggesting we all go to breakfast. so we set out for the dhall at six, only to discover that the dhall doesnt open until eight on weekends (little known fact) after that, we just decided that it would be best to go back to mod quad and nap for the rest of the morning. so here i am, in pw instead of pe because i have no detex card and i dont want to bug anyone to let me into pe at this hour. and i owe jose a breakfast, and he owes me a showing of fantasia 2000.

but how do i feel

kinda stupid for staying out this late when i really didnt need to. i guess i wanted it to be like last semester again when erin was the one staying in at night, and i was the one going out and causing trouble. now she always out with karl, in fact, she was still at reckers with karl and carrie and steve and mike when rory and danielle and i left.

i feel good because i went to the library on a saturday afternoon to get some work done. i feel bad because i laid in bed daydreaming for an hour when i should have been at the library working. i feel scared that i wont get my physics homwork done at a reasonable hour today and ill be up all night tonight as well.

another thought crossed my mind today while i was waiting to be let into my dorm without my detex. not a new thought, but brought up by new circumstances. it always seems that im attracted to guys who are similar to my dad but they never seem interested in me. (brian the weasel, grrrr) the ones who do show an interest in me seem very much like my mother. (those notorious college republicans) and ive just spent most of my life trying to find a balance between the two and all i see are polarities.

the new circumstances would be that a drunk rory was paying more attention to me last night than to danielle, not much, but enough that she complained of feeling like a third wheel. like kelly was prompting me to dance up on the windowsill with him during "like a prayer" and even when he put me and danielle on hold to grind with some other girl, hed always come crawling back to me for the slow songs. ::grrrrr:: he did thank me for not letting him get totally obliterated by drinking too much last night. even though ive checked and he doesnt remember much of anything he said or did last night. still, three or four people today just kept asking "whats up with you and rory?" nothing, alright? i just really dont think hes my type. for heaven's sake, he reminds me of my mother, ultraconservative, embarrassed that i wear a dog collar that i bought at a pet store, and never understanding why i would do something like dye my hair purple.

to maintain neutrality among the sorin boys, i do believe i will ask steve to the pe formal in two weeks. hah.