care? leave a note

Ichabod!

2000-12-20 12:49 am

((oohooh, i decided to change the time of this entry to the correct local time))

i just got a sick feeling in my chest, and i dont think its from all the jelly belly jelly beans ive eaten tonight.

im listening to smapum's album adore, and i really havent listened to it in a while. and when i have, i usually skip over number 12, shame. that and perfect are the only two songs on this album i didnt like after a few listenings, and i even like perfect better now than i did when i used to listen to this album non stop.

but the song just brought back such strong memories and sensations, this whole album does really. when my dad was moving out of his apartment and i had all my stuff packed up, i kept this cd unpacked, and just wandered around listening to it. so it was the summer before my senior year when my dad got remarried? must have been, cause ross was still around then. ::shakes her head:: i dunno, i dunno. and it reminds me of ryan. . . of sitting on his front porch when he first had me listen to "tear" and all the turmoil we were going through. . .and sitting on the bridge late at night singing "for martha" to each other, and chanting about amphetamine annie dog. he had betrayed me but i still loved him, and i little did i know that would be the last time id ever see him, that fourth of july when we painted ourselves goth.

god, i was so messed up then.

no, rory, not messed up for being goth. messed up for loving ryan. not that i regret it, but we were young.

if you have to go dont say goodbye, if you have to go dont you cry, if you have to go i will get by, i will follow you and see you on the other side. but for the grace of love id will the meaning of heaven from above. your picture out of time left aching in my mind shadows kept alive.

i finished reading "where the heart is" yesterday. my mom was amazed i finished it so quickly. the readers discussion guide in the back was interesting, like how the author was astonished when novalee fell in love with forney. i think i fell in love with the character forney while i read the book. hes so sweet. . . and so smart.

i miss anime. a lot. thats another thing i miss from the era of adore, watching lots and lots of anime with brenda and nick. today i watched fear and loathing in las vegas with nick and jason and larry. hassel and kate and cheeser came too.

i faced the fathoms in your deep. withstood the suitors quiet seige. pulled down the heavens just to please you, appease you, the wind blows and i know i cant go on digging roses from your grave to linger on beyond the beyond where the willows weep and the whirlpools sleep youll find me . . .and the night mare rides on, with a december black psalm,and the night mare rides on. what i fear is lost here, the wind blows and i know, all you have to do is run away and steal yourself from me become a mystery to gaze into. youre so cruel in all you do, but still i believe, i believe you. so may you come with your own knives youll never take me alive with all the force of what is true is there nothing i can do i cant go on digging roses from your grave to linger on beyond the beyond where the willows weep and the whirlpools sleep youll find me and the night mare rides on and the night mare rides on with a december black psalm, and the night mare rides on. i faced the fathoms in your deep withstood the suitors quiet seige, pulled down the heavens just to please you . . . to hold the flower i cant keep!