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Ichabod!

2000-11-19 23:34:17

shut up! just shut the hell up and go away!

why do i hate her so much?

"bless you! good times! youre golden!"

how can i hate someone so sweet who hasnt done anyone any harm in the least?

because shes so fucking happy all the time! either that, or complaining about something so minor that it means nothing!

why do i hate someone for being happy all the time?

because i dont believe it to be possible. its not fair that some people have not experienced things so bad that all of a sudden, having to sit through a diversity meeting doesnt seem like such a crime.

"we are the machines, we speak this dream, we are the machines, we are the machines of god . . into open arms i fall, stumbling, mumbling ... compassion the weapon applied, no love denied, even when you fail, its all right."

its not fair. compassion the weapon applied. last year how i started crying when sister lisa told us that god wants us to be happy. happy? thats possible? what the hell! the only good things ive found are the ones i cant have. even christa, one of the best things to have ever happened in my life, and shes always so distant.

i need to cry, but nothing worth crying over has happened recently.

"now its over im dead and i havent done anything that i want or im still alive and theres nothing i want to do"

it seems i did a wonderful job setting up erin and karl, they really hit it off. a true syr.

i realize now its not a bad thing i didnt go with matt, because he got drunk off his ass. and i had fun with brian. but i just cant fucking figure him out, if he thinks im cool or not or whatever. i think its turning out like another justin long. and i remember what a disaster that was. what a fake.

"i fake it so real i am beyond fake"

ive spent all day procrastinating on my apuleius "golden ass" paper. phooey. only three class days this week. i hope i can get caught up over thanksgiving, if im not roped into babysitting all three or four days. ::sighs::

"so slide back down and close your eyes, sleep a while you must be tired"