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Ichabod!

2000-01-16 23:19:33

ive spent a lot of time lately reading other peoples diaries, especially those featured in the members area. so far this weekend, ive spent about 24 hours sleeping and about 98 hours studying calculus. unfortunately, i dont feel like ive learned very much.

thursday i took a day from school to visit colleges. i had an interview at haverford and then mosied on over to tour Penn. while investigated random hallways and reading the cartoons on professors doors in Penn, i met Professor Pfefferkorn. he reminded me a lot of sven, not just because of the german accent, but little movements, like the angle of his head and stupid stuff like that. after that, i met my sister at the palladium for dinner. very very fancy, very very nice. very cosmopolitan, i felt.

my opinion of these colleges. i liked haverford because it was so cozy and had so many trees. i could stand to have it a little more exciting, but i liked it, i could definitely live among all those trees and so much green. as for penn, it was overly stimulating, i think. you know how youre supposed to try to envision yourself at a college? well, i could envision myself at Penn, but it would be a depressed me. i dont think i could stand it very long at such an utterly urban place. id crack for sure. i really need someplace green with trees to let myself go and be alone and have solitude.

friday started off bad and got worse. in chorus, we listened to the county chorus rendition of psalm 23. then she said open up to music of my dreams. that is just inhumane, to tempt us like that then to throw us in the pit of despair that is music of my dreams. i swear, if i have to sing about whistling flutes and seas and oceans and waves and beaches one more time im gonna scream, and if i have to hear the angels sing one more time im gonna go deaf. the rest of the day was a spiral of negative thinking.

i got an email from a friend. as long as ive known him he ridiculed me for my religious beliefs. i always prayed for him, because he believed that there is no existence after death, that you are simply annihilated. now he tells me that he is turning from the dark arts to christianity. im so happy for him. i told him that ill try to answer any questions that he has. i think that our future discussions are gonna be really cool.

saturday i slept. thats about it. and went to mass. but while i was waiting for communion, i got really faint. i ran out of the church sweating. as soon as i had sat in the cool bathroom for a while, i felt much better. but of course, by the time i got back to the church communion was over. since i didnt receive, am i going to hell? oh! rush me off to confession! ::muahahahahahaha::

i had a really interesting dream the other night. there was a guy who wanted to kiss me, and i wanted to kiss him too, but we couldnt becuase there were all these people around. so were walking and he turns into this furry guinea pig hedgehog type thing that i carry around for a while before he eventually gets lost in a church.

now im getting word that i have jazz band tomorrow. ::Sighs:: i only hope i can get everything done tomorrow that i want to get done. i cant forget that space ghost is on tonight at 12:30

quote of the evening: "I am sure that you struggle and know pain and misunderstanding. That is the price that is paid many times by those who have as sensitive a soul as you do."