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Ichabod!

2000-02-02 21:33:44

gah, ive been waiting an hour for my dad to get offline so i can check my damn mail. im on right now under my moms account and i cant get it through aol net mail because of the stupid parental restrictions they forgot to take off on the advent of my eighteenth birthday.

i felt rather cartoonish today. like everything about me was exaggerated like i was playing a character onstage. i had cant-miss-me-in-a-crowd chun li hair, fire engine red nail polish, and an entirely black outfit. the silver eye sparkle was just a finishing detail.

february loves me. and i love february. i love the birthstone, i just love the whole aura of february. everything is going just peachy. yeah, peachy. all of my college stuff is done for now except for 2 scholarships im applying for and a summer conservation school. i feel like sylvia plath in her better days as a honors girl in The Bell Jar. including the vague sensation that it could all come crashing down on me any day.

it almost did when i got my grades yesterday. my grade concsious eyes were immediately drawn to the glaring second honors stamp, the 85 in calc, and the 74 on my chem midterm. i was oblivious to the 98 in chem, the 97 in band, the 97 on my english midterm, the 92 on my history midterm, oblivious in the wake of that 85 and that 74.

last year my history teacher quipped: for you honors kids, an 88 is just as good as a 60. so true, so true. so i spent first period sniffling in the guidance counselors office as she consoled me. at least i didnt go down in class rank.

i had scribbled notes in the margin of my english binder about what i wanted to write in here, but ive forgotten them.

ive got two college interviews tomorrow; wish me luck!