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Ichabod!

08 January 2005 18:34

this has been a really poopy day. starting at about midnight when i was talking to john cogill on IM. now tool, if youre reading this, please dont think its all your fault. see note below. just thinking about college makes me remember how much of a mess i was, how horridly depressed, how much i hated myself, and how absolutely miserable i was. and it made me wonder all over again how in the world my closest friends managed to continue to believe in me when i could no longer believe in myself. i still have no idea what they saw in me, when all i saw in myself was a huge black pit of despair and hopelessness.

note: this first weekend back in lumberton has been hard on everyone. were still adjusting with the culture shock, and its especially hard since we are literally snowed in. i prolly would have felt crappy whether id talked to cogill friday night or not. all of us are missing everyone terribly.

but ive been trying unsuccessfully (wow, three sets of double letters. i like that word) to get in touch whether by phone or email with those closest friends and thank them for believing in me. tell them how grateful i am, and how much that meant to me. im not sure ill really be able to shake this melancholy until i can do that.