care? leave a note

Ichabod!

28 December 2004 15:07

::sighs::

My mom's got me browsing monster.com and let's just say that its got me freaking out just a little bit.

after a week and a half back in civilization its hard to say whether or not id want to stay in lumberton for another year of teaching. ive realized how absolutely and completely cut off from the rest of the world i've become out there. and the same thing that was bugging me there a few months ago is bugging me even more. the way that my identity there is so one dimensional. im a teacher, 24/7. its very difficult to create a multifaceted life for yourself there when youre WHITE, youre so obviously an outsider, and everyone just knows you as "teacher".

plus thinking of my career goals for myself; if i really want to be any kind of a writer, i need to be in touch with people. all kinds of people. i need to know what people are doing.

i miss things like cell phones. and having a car (especially since now i have places to go and i still dont have a car). i miss the richness and complexity of negotiating many different aspects of identity.

but still what am i going to do next year? do i go to grad school? where? to study what? do i get a job? doing what? for how long? where? where would i live? with mom? what are my goals, really? and how will i acheive them?

what role do i have in lumberton? and what role do i want to create for myself, whereever and whatever i decide to do?