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Ichabod!

09 December 2004 21:51

some favorite sex and the city-isms:

"we can get maui-ed" "did you just pun in the nude? what did i tell you about that?"

"maybe you�re on your knees, but you've got him by the balls"

im not sure how i feel about sex and the city right now. im watching the episode where carrie turns thirty-five. and after living this life, this extremely simple life, how i would feel living the life that they lead. i live in community, i live in poverty, and right now, i live pretty much in obedience and celibacy as well. but im also young, and i know im not making a life for myself here. im still looking into the future and wondering where im bound. but im not very attracted by the idea of living alone at 35...where would my personal fulfillment come from? especially in the city? understandably the focus of the show is SEX in the city, but i just think i would need so much more to feel like i lead a meaningful life.

so what would i need? i know the beginnings of what i would need, books and music. intellectual stimulation. spiritual life, liturgical music. but what would i need in terms of relationships? in terms of a career? science? service? writing? marriage? children? is religious life out or not? im so confused. i think being home for a while will help at least a little bit, since im really wondering how ill feel being back in cities and suburbs and the northeast in general.

anyway. my point is that theres something that just really disturbs me about the thought of being 35, and living a life like that. its not what i envision 35 to be. in my mind, carrie bradshaw does not act how i would expect a 35 year old to act. at least, not how i would expect myself to act at 35. now, if only i could figure out what i would want for myself at 35.

i feel so old, now that im looking ahead to 35 and wondering where ill be. i need to remind myself that soo very much can happen between now and then.