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Ichabod!

24 September 2004 17:15

last weekend, we were eagerly awaiting the return of two of our companion teachers who had been in philadelphia for a week for a retreat. heidi and i talked about all of the things we missed about them. their laughter, their games, and even their faith expression.

heidi remarked that it just felt funny without them here, and it would feel funny without any of us here. we all need each other so much already.

i thought about this, and i realized that while i was good at recognizing what i missed about the others, i had a hard time believing that they would really miss me that much if i was gone. maybe kathryn, cause im one of the few who appreciates her sense of humor. but what would anyone else miss, besides the fact that i can get the tv/cpu system to work?

what do people need when they come to me for something? im certainly not the first person anyone turns to when they need a confidant about personal romances, because i am NOT the romantic of the bunch (and we do have quite a few romantics here). here are a few examples i can come up with.

jen comes to me when she needs to find her keys. marcy comes to me when her kids have a random science question like "whats that hangy thing at the back of your throat?" mike came to me because hes in great need of a notre dame person he can call up and harass about the football games. i cook pancakes and try to fix stuff. i get a lot of the random literature and science questions; i can only conclude that i am a walking reference library.

but is it too much to ask to be valued for more than that? is it ok if i want to be valued for who i am instead of what i know?

i am reminded of what i told kristelle in my interview before i was offered the position here. when she asked me what i wanted to be for the volunteer community, i responded that i viewed myself as someone who could be a solid base, not a firestarter anything like that. just a more neutral kind of base. and i guess ive got that haven't i, or at least the beginnings of that? i wanted to be reliable , unifying, neutral, and solid.

i also remember that i was surprised at myself the moment i heard the words come out of my mouth during the interview, because never before had i thought of myself that way in terms of my role in a community. but then elise pointed out that its exactly the same role as the one i assumed for myself within the trumpets. i wasnt exactly a standout, but i was reliably there for everyone. i guess. hmmmm. i dunno. bah.