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Ichabod!

22 April 2004 19:18

i can tell i have pms cause my face is breaking out like its the end of the world.

then today in class im just sitting there, minding my own business when inside my head . . .

voice 1: you're ugly

voice 2: what???? ::shocked::

1: yeah. see that girl over there? shes pretty. you're nothing like her

2: but ... ::begins to make an argument, weakly, something like how being nothing like her doesnt mean im not beautiful::

1: and you suck.

wheres the lex now, huh?

but in an instant after that thought made its way into my head unbidden, i knew i had a choice. i could dwell on that thought and allow it to take over, or i could fight it.

... but it takes so much energy to fight it, and im already tired.

that seems to be the story of my life. i dont want to be depressed, but i dont have the energy to think otherwise. i dont want to be a bad student, but i dont have the energy to study harder. i dont want to be a bad musician, but i dont put the time in to practice more. i dont want to be a bad friend, but i dont do the things that make one a good friend.

can you tell which voice has been winning?

i came home today to take a nap. dont have the attention to focus very much. i cant afford to have something in my life that incapacitates me for one week out of every four.