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Ichabod!

18 March 2004 02:03

trying to get back into the idea of posting regularly.

jesse. get a xanga already, damn't.

sitting in starbucks this afternoon and pondering once again the seemingly impossible task of acheiving what school asks of me and doing what my body asks of me.

my body asks for relaxation time. reflection time. composure time.

school pressures me to never ever slow down.

whats a girl to do? try somehow to retain some sanity, some island frame of mind.

today they announced our commencement speaker. its a supreme court judge in minnesota.

A. are we a national university, or a midwestern one, now?

B. they say they chose him because he embodies the kinda of focus and discipline they expect of all students. that really made me shudder. im not exceptionally focused or disciplined. my interests are broad, my attention rests on so many different things, and struggles to express connections between them. i dont find one pool and dive deeply, i dip my toes in each one and connect. spread. pollinate, even, as a bee moves from flower to flower instead of relying on just one for nectar. i fear the time when focus and discipline result in narrow mindedness and a lack of spontaneity.

::sighs:: focus and discipline are for people with goals. perhaps i am just focused on the way, the path, my goal is a fulfilling life. and i am disciplined in the way i choose to achieve that, through spontaneity and open minded thought.

heh. yeah, like im really all that spontaneous. i just wish i were.