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Ichabod!

03 January 2004 16:58

home is so frustrating. and its manifesting itself in weird ways. pseudo self injury echoes kinda ways. over-eager scratching of itches. picking at my face. taking showers with really hot water and using large amounts of bath and body works smoothing scrub, the one with pumice and strawberry seeds in it. scrubbing my skin til its red and raw and my skin is dry after the shower.

i wish i had brought my yoga mat home, i could channel this energy to something more constructive.

if my mom would leave, id even be tempted to run myself silly on her treadmill. it wouldnt take long though. i hate running.

but im very unsettled here. this house is not my home right now. i have friends here, but i dont have a life here when im only home for three weeks. if im here over the summer, with a job and friends, and a vehicle, i trust it will be much better.

ah. there i go scratching my neck way past the amount needed to satisfy the actual itch. scratching deeper to try in vain to satisfy that internal itch.