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Ichabod!

11 November 2003 00:34

so work yesterday? read three chapters of lotr instead.

so work today? invited friends over for dinner and finding nemo instead.

oh well. it's still nice just to smile again.

speaking of which, when i got depressed last week, i didnt think it could be pms/pmdd because i thought it was too early. but it seems i was wrong? so now this brings into question the validity of all the thoughts, ideas, and conclusions about my life that i had then. because if i wasnt in control of them, if it was really just my mind/body going nuts, then im not really responsible for them, and i cant take credit for anything that results from them, good or bad.

however, when i affect my mind through my body in yoga, i accept this action and those thoughts as valid. because im in control when i practice yoga? isnt this contradictory to the openness i try to achieve through yoga?

and isnt the sense of renewal that comes with a period of depression just what i was looking for? shouldnt i be grateful for a little bit of pmdd?

ive been wondering for years now how to adopt a better attitude towards these cycles of depression. to accept them as valid and valuable parts of my life. not to deny or dread them, if they are indeed inevitable.

should i try to control them? work harder to find a stable center in them? or is control the wrong approach?

::sighs:: ive got one less assignment to worry about this week, but only cause ive let the deadline float blissfully by me. not good.