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Ichabod!

07 November 2003 00:47

i built a dac and an adc today. yay! so proud.

and my grader for my qmech exam drew a crazy laughing face on my exam sheet. i guess i understand, cause i would draw crazy stuff on my poor chem students hw sheets when i graded them. smiley faces, and cat faces, and things.

every now and then i lament how distant and disconnected i am from my family. not really my parents, cause i feel a need to be separated from them after the whole separation/divorce/custody fiasco. but my sisters? i wish i could just talk to them about life, but it seems to hard when ive grown up knowing nothing about their personal lives, and they know next to nothing about mine.

but when will i stop merely lamenting this fact and fucking do something about it?

i get the feeling all of us really want to feel connected but are so busy and so far apart that it never really happens. and then when we have christmas parties and what not, i voluntarily condemn myself to watching shrek and monsters inc with the kiddies instead of socializing with the grown ups. so i suppose the easiest way to fix this problem, is to stop babysitting?

i dont think ill ever feel grown up around them, though. like ive written before, they always make me feel gauche. i think theyre starting to realize who i really am, and unfortunately for i dunno who, im not the kind of person they anticipated. they always told me id grow out of wanting to keep my hair long. "one day you'll want a real hairstyle," they told me. ha. im different from them.

but i miss them and i wish i could spend more time with them.