care? leave a note

Ichabod!

2003-06-15 11:31 p.m.

continually rediscovering the joys of music, and thinking up new correlations between iron butterfly's metamorphosis and our own galatic butterfly. iron butterfly's actual album still seems too rooted in orientation towards society to be a real reflection of the galatic butterfly's rediscovery of self through orientation to the natural world and human nature. still, the cover art is really great illustration for the idea of the galatic butterfly. on the front, coffins(cocoons)are dashed against the rocks in the surf, and on the back, a naked woman welcomes a butterfly to alight on her hand with a backdrop of mountains.

i continue to feel disconnected with my past, especially as i try to rebuild my list of away messages. i no longer feel it approprite to keep using a lot of the ones i added freshman year, listening to ani on dilate and not a pretty girl. the ones talking about being better off alone, and outside the glow of the house is where i feel most at home. but i cant seem to bring myself to delete them, cause theyre still a part of what i was, no matter how detached i feel from them now. especially this one

ive got a darkness that i have to feed and ive got a sadness that grows up around me like a weed and im not hurting anyone, im just spiraling in, she closes her eyes, and hears the song begin again.

i never even used that one until last semester in london when i was feeling my most black. i dont feel that way anymore, i feel more detached from those times in my life than i ever have before. but i cant say they wont come around again, and thats why i havent deleted them yet.

the other kind of away message that im not entirely comfortable with any longer are like this: When we hold each other, in the darkness, it doesn't make the darkness go away. The bad things are still out there. The nightmares still walking. When we hold each other we feel not safe, but better.'It's all right' we whisper, 'I'm here, I love you.' and we lie: 'I'll never leave you.' For just a moment or two the darkness doesn't seem so bad. - Neil Gaiman. maybe out of context it doesnt seem so bad, but in light of his other quotes about love tearing you to pieces and taking you hostage, it seems unnecessarily harsh about love. what in the world has happened to me? ::laughs:: could arvianna be believing in love?

ive also noticed a difference in the way i think about other people. it hasnt necessarily translated into a difference in the way i treat other people yet, but its a difference nonetheless.

sleep sleep sleep. signing up for yoga early tomorrow. sleep.