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Ichabod!

2003-05-31 10:56 p.m.

christa luv gave me a new paper journal to solve the previous problem of feeling displaced in all of my older paper journals. its a beautifully gothy journal, with cover art by the same artist who did the posters christa gave me before, that freak out everyone who comes into my dorm room. plus the pages have a celtic design on them with dragons. thanks hunny.

i hope and i pray that this summer is eventful, exciting, absorbing, not dull, not boring. i wont be able to take it if i have nothing to occupy my time. ill sit around and look out at the horizon and hate it, spite it, despise the fact that there are no mountains and forest with which to console myself, only stupid pancake flat midwestern plains with a hole in the ozone to boot. and waters so polluted theres an advisory against eating fish from any body of water in indiana.

::sighs:: and my moms getting uptight about tomorrow. she just yelled at me to get off the computer and get my work done. work done? packing? oh its done. been done, since thursday. well, i dont want you to stay up all night. who said i was? why would i? shut up!

have i really only been home two weeks? that long? that short?

i dont want to go. whats it going to feel like when i get back to school? will it all come flooding back so familiar, or will i feel completely alien, having left it behind so many months ago?

im not ready. everything is packed, but im so not ready. not sure i ever will be, to go back there. but i never am, am i? i always hate going back, no matter where ive been. i was anxious about it before i left for freshman year and ive never gotten over it. never been glad to go back, like they told me i would be.

i found another copy of wuthering heights and a copy of the two towers in the boxes from my dads in my basement. i really just want to lose myself in a book right now, and i think wuthering heights would be a good one. ive been meaning to reread madame bovary, but im not sure ill get around to it. i also dug up travels with charley. i cant quite seem to get momentum up on lonely hearts of the cosmos.

only little things to do around here before i go.

i found religion in the greeting card aisle, now i know hallmark was right