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Ichabod!

2002-07-22 5:30 p.m.

i was writing in my paper journal at lunch today when i realized im really not all too happy about my life in general. im not happy about my parents or my family. im not happy about going back to school. im not happy about the path everyone seems to be pointing me down. sure, i love my internship and i love my friends and summer is going great...but summer is not my life in general. summer is three months of every year.

my mom was talking about me and my sisters today at lunch. about the party trish threw and how yuppie they are. yes, yuppie was the word used. and my mom concluded with "elizabeth is the least yuppie of all of them!" so then why the hell am i going to college, which basically overeducates me and prepares me for yuppiedom? i dont want yuppiedom!

you know what ive found myself doing lately? hiding the fact that i go to notre dame. i meet someone new, and i hesitate to mention that i go to a private catholic highly-ranked-in-academics university. because i know that the second i mention that, people shuffle me into a category of spoiled brat, future yuppie, some higher class elite whatever. and i dont want to be that. i want to be able to live and communicate with people on any level, from factory worker to attorney to farmer to park ranger to migrant worker to university professor to janitor. and knowing that notre dame labels be as a white catholic pre-rich girl (pre-rich is pats term for science, engineering, and business majors. hes a sociology major, hes pre-unemployment.) just bugs me. cause face it, its stil true that suspicion of intellect is a characteristic of american society. stick to the simple things that everyone understands. this is a country of farmers, not a country of physicists. im not even sure where im going with this anymore, and id prolly better not think about it too much, lest i understand too much.

anyway. so i need to change something, most likely my attitude. one of the ways i knew something was wrong with my life right now was that i was considering cutting my hair. making a physical change instead of a mental one, and pretending to be a different person with a better life. maybe a drastic physical change would help me make that necessary mental change? hm? i dunno. i love my hair. and i really would have to be completely convinced that i would like a new hairstyle, whatever it is, before one strand gets snipped.

whatever change i make ive got one month to do it in.