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Ichabod!

2002-05-31 3:24 p.m.

ok i really have nothing to do this afternoon so ill just write in here. i figured out why i was snippy with my mom. pms/pmdd again. irritability, headaches, muscle aches, feeling of being overwhelmed, change in appetite. yeah yeah yeah. at least im not crying and uncommunicative like i was in march.

i seem to do a lot of thinking when pms/pmdd hits..and i hate thinking that its "just hormones" like what im thinking or feeling isnt really happening, or real. like depression and the thoughts resulting from it can be ignored or waved away like dreams often are. what would i be like without those bouts of depression? and im not satisfied that those are the only reasons for my depressive thoughts cause ive had those feelings since i was in second grade and my parents separated. how much of what i am now can i attribute to feeling depressed? i dunno if i really want to get into that. but of course im thinking of the part in "when nietzche wept" when hes listing the ways he has benefitted from his migraines.

id drown my beliefs to have you be in peace. id dress like your niece to wash your swollen feet. just dont leave, dont leave. im not living im just killing time. your tiny hands, your crazy kitten smile. just dont leave, dont leave. and true love waits in haunted attics, and true love lives on lollipops and crisps. just dont leave, dont leave.

it bugs me when people take that song very seriously. cause thats very pathetic. but the song is very beautiful.