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Ichabod!

2002-05-07 12:12 a.m.

i am just so darn smart.

so last year i went on freshman retreat at the end of march and absolutely hated it. not only was i feeling like shit because dan had just dumped me not long ago, but i felt like a total misfit in my small group and with the rest of my class in general. it was just a really bad weekend. and of course we did that stupid thing where you write a letter to yourself and they send it to you the next year.

well i got my letter from last years freshman retreat last week. i remembered what a horrible time i had, and judiciously lost it among the papers on my desk. unfortunately i found it again and despite my brain saying "no dont read it, you wont feel better about anything after reading it, youll only feel worse" my hands still slipped the letter out of its envelope.

on the first line at the top of the page i had written: Stop Reading This Right Now.

I am so darn smart. I havent reached for the envelope since. i just havent had the guts to throw it out entirely yet either. i prolly should. because i dont think ill be able to read it and remain unaffected for a number of years to come.

car no vol so c'om voler, e so c'om le deveda, fai.

because she does not want what she should, and desires that which is forbidden.