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 memories of what never was
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2002-05-06 12:20 a.m. i hate boys. btw, i would really appreciate if any nd people who read this would let me know who you are...more people have started linking to my page and its harder for me to tell where people are coming from. thanks. anyway, i hate boys. thats been my gut reaction lately whenever some guy shows any interest in me. like rob the other day asked on IM what i would say if he were to, hypothetically sometime in the near future, "ask me out." i instinctively screamed i hate boys. or when chuck started calling me cute and charming and intriguing and i nearly puked. or how about tonight after talking to spencer in lafun when i just repeated to myself over and over "i hate flirting"...or when i got back to my room after mass to find an email from spencer saying it was nice talking to me and asking me to call him for coffee sometime. again, what do i do? run around and scream "i hate boys." and im not even sure why i have this reaction. it was really nice talking with spencer tonight, and he seems like a lot of fun. so should i call him for coffee? he wants to take me to see rocky horror next fall, and well both be in london for spring semester. hmmm, should i call him? when? oh my oh my. ::flips out:: maybe i flip out cause its a kind of anxiety im really not used to. flirting, and trying to seem cool, and not wanting to embarrass myself, and hoping that they think im smart and funny and nice to talk to. arvianna, you know you come off much cooler when you just be your already supercool self. theres no reason to be nervous at all. if you be yourself and they dont like you, then youve got nothing to regret cause you werent fake. if they like you cause you were fake...well thats just stupid. so you think hes funny? think he could be a cool friend? then call him for coffee. theres no reason to think theres anything more to it than that. right? right ok, but that still doesnt explain why i nearly puked when chuck called me cute and charming...but i think that was more of something cause ive never met the guy and i dont do cute and i hate being idealized. yeah. ::sighs:: i dont know i dont know |
