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Ichabod!

2001-11-02 2:21 a.m.

this is a reproduction of what i wrote in my mechanics notebook thursday night.

yeah im just staring at this shit now, and kind of waiting for the others to go away. im just in no frame of mind now to do this at all. im so embarrassed. i really should go see the dean first thing int he mroning. im so embarrassed. i wanna write hamish an email to say thank you for asking if im all right cause im sure danielle wont say anything. that really surprised me, that he said anything at all. im so embarrassed. im prolly gonna cry tomorrow too, and i hate crying in front of professors and such. i wish danielle and keith would just leave bcause i dont really want to end up trying to explain anything to them im so embarrassed. again. and again and again. and im just going to start crying all over again. its gonan be a long night and i wont even be working on mechanics. im even getting all paranoide suspecting what horrible things danielle might be telling ketih about me, my mood swings, and my temper. none of which are nearly as bad as they were in high school! but to them im just so erratic and despicable. keith must think im terrible...i mean, danielle was the one he approached about studying not me even though id previously made the offer. well everyone knows im failing anyway. fuck it

and i really feel horrible because shephard put this extra 30 pts on for me, im the one who really needs it. i had an extra week to do it in, but still nothing. im fucking hopeless. through and through. letting everyone down.

maybe if becki needs therapy and medecine, i might too. i need a friend.