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Ichabod!

2000-04-16 22:39:21

ok. im back from ND. and just to let you know, i missed everyone here so much. especially if your name started with a j or a c or a k.

ND really made me think. i mean really. it's nice, but im not getting that "oh its so right for me" feeling. and heres why.

its in indiana. indiana is flat. indiana is windy. indiana is close to michigan. indiana is far from PA.

they dont have many courses in geology. what they do have is mixed in with engineering which makes it slightly more difficult to take those courses if youre not an engineering major. dad says its cause they have layer cake geology in indiana instead of all the nice bends and folds we have here in PA.

everybody has something to say about gender relations. while on campus, i noticed a group of 5 guys over here and a group of 5 girls over here, but never a mixed group of guys and girls. sure, there were couples scattered here and there, but no real mixed groups. most people attribute this to the single sex housing, and the fact that you get really close to the people in your dorm, and that if youre going to go eat, youre going to ask the person across the hall, not call up another dorm. this worries me because i have never been someone to hang out with a clique of girls. im always with the guys. even when i was in nursery school. some people say that its because i intimidate the other girls. but i know for a fact that i intimidate some guys too. anyway, ive been assured that if thats the type of person i am, ill find similar people there and that i shouldnt worry. also, im told that if i major in physics, the male:female ratio is 4:1. mom thinks that the only reason im concerned about this is because im boy crazy. i know thats not true.

but in the car on the way home i got to thinking. maybe all this is supposed to bring about some kind of change in me. because if i were in a situation where i could choose between sitting at a table of girls and being miserable and sitting at at a table of guys and being miserable, i would choose the table of guys. this is why i avoid commons priveleges at all costs, a period in commons does nothing but make me depressed. i thought that maybe the reason for that has something to do with the screwed up relationship with my dad. because theres no real reason i should choose to sit with the guys over the girls in that situation. theres no evidence that one group would be nicer than the other. maybe im supposed to go to ND because it would force me to hang out with more girls.

and maybe im supposed to go out there because its exactly NOT what i would choose for myself. maybe i need more change than what comfortable choices i would make for myself. maybe i need to learn to stand out in the open instead of constantly having the comfy feeling of PA mountains hugging my shoulders.

moms nagging at me and its getting hard to concentrate on this. yes, i concentrate on my entries here.

its scary to realize that i need to change but that it wont always be comfy and you cant anticipate what those changes are or what they will bring.

and then this whole catholic university thing. havent i had enough of a catholic education? its only been 13 long years! does it really need to 17? cant i ever get away from that!? not to mention id be going to school with some of the same people for 17 years. yes, someone ive been to school with since kindergarten. some things just DONT change.

on the bright side, there was someone on campus wearing a TMBG shirt. and someone wearing a ZERO shirt.