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Ichabod!

2003-05-08 1:43 p.m.

not holding on to anything feels so good. it feels so good to be so open. accepting. open hands. not reaching, not pulling, not being pulled. just loving. loving everything. these feelings are really just so hard to put into words.

and even stranger, accepting that i cannot hold on to even this. loving this feeling, and somewhere inside of me wanting to keep it forever, but nothing is in my possession. i cannot hold on to this feeling, everything will change. there will be depressed times, and there will be manic controlling times. but this will come back too.

lost in the circle time parade of changes.

and knowing all that makes me feel strangely alive, peaceful and full of motion, all at the same time.

then its gonna start to spill, and its not going to stop

am i starting to accept that constancy of change that i wrote about earlier? how exciting is that! it feels like a huge relief, no need to control and define. just sort of ....manage. survive. live!