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Ichabod!

2003-04-27 11:49 a.m.

::written in my psych notebook on friday afternoon::

i guess ive always had this idea that growing up would bring metnal and emotional stability. im beginning to think i was wrong. im twentyone and i still injure myself. i still get every bit as despressed as i did when i was twelved. and to think i hoped ti was all just adolescent stuff...like acne, or something. but i still even get acne, and my skin will prolly never look as good as it did when i was 14.

im consistently volatile, if nothing else. and i have my repetoire of drugs to keep me going as necessary. by drugs here, i would of course mean things that i expose myself to in order to alter my mood. coffee, chocolate, cutting, music, religion, and sleep. i could be addicted to worse things. 3 out of 6 are things im only mentally addicted to, not physically. and arent we all addicted to sleep, we just dont usually regard it as a drug?

anyway. how do i come to accpet volatility as a constant in my life and not something ill outgrow?

::wants to forget friday night::